An odd twist

As I was taking off all the passwords from my old posts, I came across this one…

https://pastornofaith.wordpress.com/2015/07/20/outed-convos-in-brief/

My have times changed.

“Scott” was one of my best friends.  After I left the church I never heard his voice again. I have never seen his face.  And he only live(d) 1 mile from my house.

Apparently he became a leader in the church in my absence.  I think this would have been a good thing considering how progressive him and his wife were.  But alas, his wife and my wife had major issues getting along.

The last I saw of her, she gave my wife a long hug on our last day.  It was a nice gesture, considering they didn’t get along well.  That same day I sent Scott’s wife a message saying how I appreciated playing music with her every week at church (which I really did), and that I’ll miss playing with her.  She replied in kind.

Then silence.

I reached out to Scott twice on Facebook.  Begging him to hang out sometime. Nothing came of it.  Only the slightest interest was ever communicated.

I stayed friends with him on Facebook until a month ago.  I finally gave up and just unfriended him Facebook.  It hurt like hell.  He lived a mile away from me, I often passed his house in the morning.  But nothing.

He just moved away last week.  His house is still on the market, vacant. I miss him dearly.

Apparently the church went through a massive split after they hired my replacement.  While Scott and his wife were initially in favor of the new pastor, rumor has it they didn’t get along for long.  That sucks.

Scott was a good man.

I struggle with wanting to reach out to him and explain how he hurt me.  He’s the kind of guy that would feel bad about it.  But what’s the use?  He lives 400 miles way now.

I still have only 2 irl friends who live near me, I could use a few more.

Carter, on the other hand…

His wife has a play date scheduled with my wife and kids.  They were good people too, not very strong people, some might say fearful even.  Going with the flow, not wanting to rock the boat.  But they, in spite of the conservatism, were kind people.  Out of all my former church friends (save Paul) he is the only one to actually reach out to me to check in on us.

I’m not sure how to be friends with them, but it might be good for us to try it out.

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One thought on “An odd twist

  1. Losing God and having your reality turned upside down is hard enough; but the next hardest part of losing faith is the lost friendships. Suddenly people who have loved you for years are abandoning you when you need them most, treating you as if you are the “bad guy” who intentionally hurt them. Meanwhile you know you had no choice. It has nothing to do with them. But you also understand why they feel the way they do — and that knowledge is the worst part. Because you know how genuinely their feelings have changed, and that you can never entirely reverse it.

    One great thing I have experienced from being honest about lost faith is how much more honest my relationships are, especially in this age of social media. I went from being the person everyone generally liked, to having people either love me or hate me. Once my skin thickened a bit, I found this to be a much better situation. Less pressure to please everyone, and stronger connections made with people worth knowing better. Embrace the friends who love you unconditionally. They are few and far between.

    Liked by 1 person

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