I care way too much.
I have this habit of deeply missing my old friends. The Sunday before Christmas I had a bit too much drink, and I did something which I kinda regret.
I sent Christmas greetings to all my old friends.
Nothing fancy, just a simple text message:
Me: Merry Christmas to you and your family. I hope you are well.
One of the people I sent it to was the youth pastor of the church. Since I know he’s having to run things in my absence, I put in an additional message.
Me: If you need help setting up for Christmas Eve, give me a call. I still remember where everything is.
There was a big falling out between me and his wife. At one point I told her “For fuck sake, shut up and leave us alone.”
She’s a judgmental bitch. But that’s a different post.
Since I’ve left church, the youth pastor has asked me on 2 occasions to help me with something at the church. They were simple Facebook messages asking me where something was. Nothing big. But I always followed up with reminding him to call me anytime if he needed help. But after my Christmas greetings and offer, he sent me this
YP:I’m confused by you asking me this
Me: Why? Have I not always told you if you need help, I’ll gladly give it?
YP: Ok, well I think we got it covered.
Me: I called the church the other day because I was still trying to help. You don’t just erase 10 years.
Well if you don’t need help, then that’s good. Just don’t be afraid to ask. I still know more about that place than anyone else.I miss you, and everyone. It hurts a lot to not be friends with everyone.
I wish all of you well. Best of luck in your new direction.
YP: Well I’m sorry man but youve burned some bridges, the second I think of the way you messaged my wife that day my blood begins to boil and yes I need to come to a place of forgiveness but it’s not easy.
Me:It’s strange that I as an atheist has more love for you guys than you have for me.
I’m sorry for how angry I got, but I was protecting my wife as you are protecting yours.
If you can’t forgive me, I understand. Just know that I think the world of you and your family. Seriously, I miss you all. It pains me deeply to be not reconciled.
I wish you well. Have a merry Christmas.
YP: I appreciate you extending that kindness, and will definitely help in me coming to a place of forgiveness. I pray that Christ would be revealed to you and your family in a way like never before.
Me: I wish for the same for me. It just hasn’t happened.
I’ll make a deal with you: if the [local football team] make it to the Super Bowl then I’ll buy you lunch, if they don’t make it…then you buy me lunch. Deal?
YP: First of all I never bet anything on the [local football team], bad karma. Give me some time, I want to pray about this.
Me: Ok. No matter what comes of your prayer, the door is always open.
YP: Thanks man, Go [Team]!!!
Apparently word got around that I was all my ex-friends a Merry Christmas. What audacity, what sinfulness, how wicked could I be for doing such a thing. What dastardly plan could I be cooking up?
YP: I really hope that you teaching out to [ex-friend 1], [ex-friend 2], and myself has nothing to do with some atheist documentary that you’re doing, cause that would be pretty low.
Me: The documentary is already done filming.
YP: Ok, just didn’t want to assume.
Me: Sounds like you kinda already did.
YP: Nope, the thought crossed my mind so i asked.
Me: Ok. I reached out to them for the same reasons I reached out to you. When I left the church, I didn’t have a single friend outside the church.
I miss having friends
I do have a few friends
I just miss you guys
YP: Ok like I said just wanted to confirm, thanks
Well, it’s been confirmed that you’re an asshole.
I seriously seethed over this exchange. Hate began reboiling in my veins God, I can’t even wish people season’s greetings without it somehow being a plan of the devil. We’d better pool our resources and find out with apostate ex-pastor is up to.
I still care about these guys, but I also now hate them.