The Stephen Inspired Facebook Post

Patrons already have access to my Facebook profile, so last Wednesday night a bunch of you saw me post this:

If the primary reason why you can’t be friends with someone is because they don’t share your belief system anymore, then you have a shitty belief system.

And if the primary reason why you can’t be friends with someone is because their husband no longer believes in God, then you’re a shitty person.

I wrote that…after Stephen left…at the bar…about 8 drinks in.

What kills me is you should have seen his face before he left.  I swear the guy was going to cry.  He was clearly emotionally distraught.

Stephen: I’m going to miss you and our friendship

The Friendly Facebook Stalker sent me this:


So true.

Stephen, under normal circumstances, is a great guy.  Very thoughtful, very caring, very intellectual.  He’s a good person.  But his faith has made it necessary for him to be a shitbag.

He has a shitty belief system.


Me: Stephen, I really understand people hating me, feeling betrayed by me, etc.  Why does this need to affect my wife in this way?  She still believes, she still wants to believe, it was the church’s job to keep her in the fold, but you guys, all of you, failed.  You failed to even remotely act like Jesus to my wife, WHO HAS BEEN AN INNOCENT BYSTANDER IN ALL OF THIS.

If your faith forces you to not be my friend, then you have a shitty faith.

But if you can’t even be my wife’s friend while she’s hurting and confused at what has happened to her husband, then FUCK YOU.  YOU ARE NOT A GOOD PERSON.  YOU ARE A NARCISSISTIC PIECE OF SHIT THAT MAKES EVERYTHING ABOUT YOURSELF.

(Goddamnit John, you’re profusely swearing again)

I even quoted the Apostle Paul to Stephen:

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility consider others better than yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

Who, being in very nature God,
    did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing
    by taking the very nature of a servant,
    being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
    he humbled himself
    by becoming obedient to death—
        even death on a cross!

It was the number one Bible verse I quoted as a pastor.  It’s also been very clearly ignored by my wife’s ex-friends.

I made the post and unfriended him on Facebook.

So if you saw my post, you now know the story behind it.


10 thoughts on “The Stephen Inspired Facebook Post

  1. Nice quote from Philippians!

    Growing up I was raised in a liberal Anglican/Episcopalian parish, but when I was about 18 I went through a very fundamentalist phase, and wrote a letter to my two best friends about how they either had to join me, or I couldn’t hang out with them any more. Luckily that phase didn’t last long, and they welcomed me back, and we can still laugh about it today, twenty years later.

    I hope that after the initial shock wears off, Stephen and his kind will realise that it’s OK for people to change their minds, and they’ll come back.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I think it is time for your wife to take the bull by the horns and ask directly to her congregation to explain their logic to her. She needs to force them to admit their hypocrisy in front of everyone.

    One thing is you, the newly minted heathen, going to bat for her. It’s easy to dismiss you in their mind.
    Telling your wife she is no longer welcome because you lost your faith is going to be several orders of magnitude harder for them to explain. Not just to her, but to themselves.

    Honestly, I’d pay to see it. I wish I lived nearby just so I could be present.

    WHich brings me to this: how is she hanging on? Would she be willing to write a piece on your blog to let us know her side of the story?
    I, for one, feel a great deal of empathy for her. I wish your ex parishioners had the integrity of accepting her and console her (even though very likely many of them would use that opportunity to turn her against you. We have seen that before).

    I am honestly worried about her and about your relationship. She must be going though a great deal of turmoil but I would like her to know that some of us are here for her. And we don’t expect or even hope that any of this will change her faith.

    When someone suffers and they have been treated unjustly is is my job as a fellow human being to try to do what I can to show empathy and friendship, as well as more material help if I can afford it.

    Maybe she should ask the elder and her former friends: should I divorce my husband? Will that make you feel better about me even though it will mean the breakup of our sacred family?

    That should give them a bit of a jolt.

    These people are not just wrong, they are behaving against what most of us understand christianity is about. At least the kind they preach but seldom, live.

    Please let us know how she is doing and if there is anything we can do for her.

    What a screwed up world we live in.

    PS: Is there a way you can get in touch with me outside of this blog? Maybe through Patreon? I am reorganizing (or trying to) my business. I am going to fire some of my existing clients because they have become more of a burden than an asset. I need them in the short term, but I have to plan for the longer term.

    I need to market my skills to a wider audience and depending on the kind of referral I get for new clients, I can pay between 5% and 20% with the average around 10%.

    Email me if you can. You wouldn’t be able to make a living out of it, but could certainly help bringing in a few $$$ now and then with not too much effort. I am very good at what I do but having had regular, steady clients for so long has left me a bit stuck in the marketing and sales department.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I am so sorry about how these ‘christians’ are treating you and your wife. Shameful. Truly awful and hypocritical. I’ve lost a lot of my family due to my christianity questioning posts on FB. It has been difficult at times, but overall, freeing. At least I know I can be real around people who accept me as I am today.

    Liked by 1 person

    • She hasn’t returned to church. Last night we were having dinner with another Clergy Project member and his wife. His wife still goes to church and I was in the middle of asking her to invite my wife when my wife popped up.

      I don’t think I ever want to go to church again. I still think I believe but I don’t want to be in a room full of judgmental hypocrites.

      So yeah, that was just last night.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. This proves what you had already figured out. It’s fake. There is nothing real, no substance, just dress up and make believe. Christianity doesn’t change people or make them better. If it isn’t in their self interest to be kind to your wife, all the bible verses – that they probably have memorized – will make no difference.

    I ache for your wife. I hope for her sake that she can keep her faith, or that she move on at her own pace and in her own way. It’s horrible that she has to suffer because christianity is powerless to make people kind.

    Liked by 2 people

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