So I got pinged on Facebook by the Friendly Facebook Stalker, who reminded me I haven’t written in forever. There has been a lot going on and lot of it has been promising.
I’m in the process of interviewing with 2 different companies. One company is the local cable/internet provider for sales. Like straight up door-to-door sales. I met a salesmen at the county fair the night after I resigned. I originally approached him to see if there was a way we can cut our cable bill down.
Me: So I just lost my job, do you have any deals you can make for me?
Sales Guy: No but, what did you used to do?
Me: Well until last night I was a pastor of church for 10 years.
SG: Really?! You know you pastor types make excellent salesmen, are you interested in a job?
Me: Hell yeah!
SG: Well the whole process takes at least 2 weeks before you start working.
We go on to talk ministry, and why I left the church. I also mention that we were going to AZ for a vacation.
SG: Well I can tell right now, that you would succeed at this job. Just the way you talk, stand up, make eye contact, and are easy with a smile. Here’s my number, you call me when you get back from AZ.
Me: Count on it.
I gave him a call shortly after my return. He directs me to his company’s employment website.
SG: So you’ll fill out the application online, then submit your resume. From there you’ll have a phone interview. If you pass that, you’ll be referred to the hiring manager locally. Once you get hired you’ll be spending a few weeks with me as I show you the ropes, that is after your 6 weeks of training in [local big city an 1 1/2 hours away].
Me: Ok, I can do that but can you put in a word for me with your hiring manager?
SG: Absolutely. I’ll tell her to look for you.
So I went to the website and filled out the online forms and uploaded my resume. I got a call from a recruiter from somewhere else in the country. I freaking nailed the phone interview. Like I got her talking about her personal beliefs and politics. She started answering interview questions for me. We were laughing and chatting, and this is a professional recruiter!
Recruiter: (finishing up laughing) Well ok John. Thanks for taking time to talk with me. You did great and answered perfectly all the questions I had.
Me: Well thanks, this was fun.
Recruiter: Ok so a couple of questions I have to ask you:
- With this job, if you meet your sales goals, you should expect to make about $56k/yr. Is that ok?
Me: Hell, that’s a raise!
Recruiter: [laughing] well that’s good!
2. The benefits package includes medical, dental, vision, and a 401k that we will match up to 4% of you income. Plus, you get free cable.
Me: You know that’s like 70% of the reason I applied.
3. If you are hired, you will spend 4 weeks in [local big city], and we will pay for a hotel room. Are you able to do that?
Me: You bet.
Recruiter: What you can expect from us now is that I’m going to send you an email with a link. That link is to an online assessment which you must take. It is a pass fail assessment and it can take up to an hour. So while you must finish it within the next 3 days, make sure you have plenty of time to actually do it. Good luck John!
I’m starting to believe that I am cut out for sales. I mean, I really sold myself quite well so far. I can do this. Even if it’s door to door, I might be able to actually succeed at this!
And then I got the online assessment, which crushed my hopes. Why? Because there was a ton of questions just like this:
When we talk to you previous manager, what will the say about your [random job performance question]?
If you talk to the church you will hear absolutely nothing good about me. Especially from the board chairman. I’m screwed. If they talk to the church, there’s no way I’m getting hired. I’m hoping they put more weight with my phone interview than the Church’s opinion of me. At least enough to meet me face to face. Let me sell myself, if I can sell me, I can sell your product. Please just give me a chance!
I haven’t heard from the cable company in about 6 days. Think I’ll need to call the salesman to see what’s up.
I’ve got another interview tomorrow with a different company. It’s a sales job for a security monitoring company. At the church, we were actually clients of this company. One of the very few decent people who have maintained a close friendship with me and my wife, he actually works there and has basically set this whole thing up for me.
Anthony: John, you have to apply for this contract sales job. I’m not just promoting this job to you because we’re friends, but because I think you would kill it at this job. You would rock this job, and help my company out. Here’s the sales manager’s number. Call him ASAP!
So tomorrow at lunch (at the brewery that never calls me back) I’m selling myself as a salesman. So if you need fire/police monitoring at your place of business, I could be calling you to set up an estimate.
I really like the idea of working at a place I already have a friend at, while not working for him or under him.
And in other news:
Since the Clergy Project granted me the “Transitional Assistance Grant”, I’ve been working with a career coach. While I’m applying for sales, I don’t know if that’s really what I want to do. My coach is helping me figure all this stuff out. But my first coach was a disaster. She never coached me.
First coach: So we need you to narrow down your job field so we can help you find a job. Do you know what you want to do?
Me: As I said before, I have no idea. Ministry is all I’ve done in my adult life. I don’t even know what I can do.
First Coach: Yeah, but have you thought about?
No, I’ve been sitting on my ass not thinking about how to get a job [sarcasm]. What the hell do you think I’ve been doing for months and months?! I’m trying to figure how to support my family, you dunce. You’re a coach, how about you coach?
Me: Of course I’ve thought about it. It’s all I think about. I don’t know what to do.
First Coach: Well maybe think about it more and tell me what you think you want to do.
Awesome job “coach”. And then she sent me some “hand picked” job leads. You want to know what the first lead was?
- “Worship Pastor” at K’s church!
REALLY!? REALLY?! I specifically told her multiple times that I want nothing to do with religion. She told me that she’s worked with Clergy Project clients before. You want to know what the other “hand picked” suggestions were?
- Sales at local bible software company
- Sales at local Christian radio ministry
- Fundraiser at local Christian Charity
So I complained inside of TCP. TCP got right on it and I now have a much better, and much more helpful career coach. I hope she got fired.
A lot of other things have happened which I will write about. But this is all the time I got this evening.
Sorry for the lack of editing.
I hope I get hired somewhere this week.