Potentially Outed

I just got a call from my wife, someone may be outing me as an atheist in the next few days. I don’t have all the details. I contacted the potential whistle blower requesting a meeting.

This might not go well.


21 thoughts on “Potentially Outed

  1. I feel for you. For years, I was more comfortable with the ‘agnostic’ label. Took the sting out, gave people hope of my return to the fold. It was many more years before I could confidently self-identify as an atheist. Looking back, it was a matter of weakness on my part. Your stature as a pastor magnifies both the number of dissenters and the severity of their wrath. Up to now, I have been a silent reader of your blog. As an admirer, I wanted to comment and say that things will get better, much better, soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Take a deep breath. If it does happen, this person might be doing you a favor in the long run—or as I used to say, “all things work together for good…” 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I suspect that this is the result of your in-laws being informed of your atheism. I could be wrong, but when you revealed that your wife had told them, I immediately felt that that was a very bad decision. I can understand why she did so, but given their staunch belief, and their reaction to the news, I really will not be surprised if this is not the result of that discussion.


    • I agree. That was a mistake.
      My strategy here would be to admit to doubting. Christians like that a lot. If asked directly, remain vague but firm in your vagueness. “It is a personal struggle I am currently dealing with. I have not made a decision as to what my beliefs are because I feel I need more time to think things over. After all, given my position and status, rushing to conclusion would be a disservice to my family, my congregation and myself.
      Rest assured that whatever my decision it will not prevent me from doing my job the best way I can”

      Good luck.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Then it must be a “friend” or that asshole that has been following you across forums. If the latter, I would simply ignore it and deny you are the one. You need to do this on your timeframe, not some troll on the internet.

        If it’s the troll, he needs to get a taste of his own medicine. In fact, whoever it is, they have no right to ruin other people lives based on their own beliefs.

        Is it the troll? Because in that case it would be easier to shift the blame upon him.


  4. If you meet the whistleblower (which generally I would not suggest you do as meeting him is an admission in itself — but that ship might have sailed by now) repeat to him that you are having a spiritual crisis and nothing more. If Mother Theresa could get away with that one, you can.

    I would also question this person morals and ethics insofar as making your position public. Unless he is your Bishop or whatever you have in your clergy structure, it is very likely none of his/her business.

    Buy time. Do not bring up loss of income or any of that shit. If this person aims are malicious that will probably make him happier. Keep it on the level of your service to your congregation.

    Also, does this person have access to this blog? If so, make the comments invisible ASAP.


  5. I’m sure this person thinks that deliberately trying to ruin a person’s life is the good Christian thing to do, too.

    Best of luck to you in the coming days.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Peace from Sydney Australia brother, in and through it all. Especially your difficult conversation!

    I have been somewhere like yourself as a clergyperson, in your journey around a failed image of God. For me atheism in the usual sense of the word was not my conclusion though I do not regard myself as a theist. I am still journeying but with a different senses of God and am doing so within a theologically mainstream ministry placement.

    But that’s just my journey. Yours is authentically your own and I appreciate the insights you share.

    Again, peace.



  7. G’day from Australia mate, I’ve been following your blog since it began and have been checking it most days for updates, and worrying about about your relationships whilst hoping you’re OK and getting through. I haven’t wanted to comment until now but I thought this would be the right time to say hi and offer you my best wishes in hoping you can keep this nasty person from “spilling the beans” so to speak.

    When journeying from believing to atheism it can be hard enough without someone doing this to you, it should be your decision if/when to tell people about your status and I think you’re going about this the best way you possibly can. Having someone threaten to “out” you is simply nasty and selfish of the person in question. I hope they are reading the comments here, and maybe wake up to the fact that all they are doing is hurtful and serves no positive purpose.

    Anyway, I wish you and your family all the best, stay strong, and know there’s many of us out there who wish you the best and genuinely care about your welfare.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. As others have mentioned, it may be a good idea to admit your doubts, and get ahead of the situation. Is the Sabbatical option still available?

    Liked by 1 person

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