Wife: How was your meeting with Mark and the guy from sales?
Me: Eh, not as much money as I was hoping for.
Me: Yeah, this top tier salesman was only making $42k
Wife: Wow, for a top salesman? I’m sorry honey.
Me: Me too. The funny thing is the conversation devolved into a topic about Hell and the morality of God.
Wife: Uh oh. Did Mark argue with this guy.
Me: Lance? Yeah. It was brutal. Well, all in good fun but Mark tore him to shreds logically.
Me: You know honey, I kinda still wished I believed but the more time I don’t, the more the bible makes less sense. We were talking about God being the foundation of morality, and that just doesn’t make sense. When you see God commanding Joshua and the Israelites to kill all the people in the land, even the children. Sometimes even taking the widows of the enemies as their own wives…? That shit is what ISIS and Boko Haram are doing! I mean how could we condemn the Muslim extremists for killing the men and children and taking women as sex slaves, when we see God commanding the Israelites to do the same thing?
I just… I have a hard time believing that God exists. If he does exist I have a hard time thinking that he’s good. And if he does exist and is good, then the Bible is wrong about him.
I have a slight panic here as I remember I don’t actually want her to be an atheist.
Me: Listen I know you think someone has been watching over you since you were a kid. And you know what? It makes that you think that. I hope that person is still watching over you.
Wife: I know someone is still watching over you.
I can’t tell you how much her comment moved me. I could be totally off but that belief appears to be the start of a departure away from biblical Christianity. She’s allowing her love for me to shape her beliefs instead of having her beliefs shape her love for me. It may seem small, but the fact she thinks a god still cares about me, isn’t angry at me, and is still protecting me… it’s a demonstration of how powerful her love is.