Mark Driscoll and Dissapointment (A Rant Against God, & It’s Personal)

WARNING: Raw emotion and swearing AT God in this post.  If you are easily offended, don’t read.

Don’t hate me, I used to be a huge Mark Driscoll fan.  In fact his downfall was one of the straws that broke the camel’s back for me when it comes to losing my faith.  Looking up to someone that you think is really making a difference and then seeing the lives ruined by Mars Hill Church of Seattle was just devestating to me.

I bring this up because the Ex-Pastors Facebook page promoted this video about Mark talking about his burn out.  This was filmed in 2011, 3 years before the fall of Mark.

God, do you hate me?

It’s sounds weird but I felt so bad for him, not when he asked if God hated him, but when he said that God didn’t answer his question because it wasn’t the right question to ask.  For whatever reason Mark should have been asking “what do you want me to change about myself?”  That’s so tragic.  That’s abuse.

Seriously, who of you if your son asked:

Dad do you hate me?

Would go on and say:

Well son, I refuse to answer that question until you learn the right question to ask.

FUCK.THAT.

I would never treat my son like that.  I would never hate my son, I would never let my son think I hated him.  If my son thought I hated him, thought I was mean, and actually had the courage to ask if I hated him, I would answer him…audibly…OUT LOUD IN A VOICE EVERYONE COULD HEAR…

Son I have loved you from the day you were born.  I love you now, and I will always love you.

I wouldn’t say

Well 2000 years ago i sent Jesus for you and had some apostles write some words down for you.  What? Isn’t that a clear enough message?

NO, IT’S NOT YOU DUNCE!  PEOPLE NEED TO HEAR IN PERSON IF YOU LOVE THEM.  It’s not rocket science.  Surely a God as smart as you could figure this out.  If guys like myself and Mark Driscoll are dedicating our lives to serving you, then you can take 5 FUCKING SECONDS to ACTUALLY COMMUNICATE WITH US.

But you have the Holy Spirit to guide you

BULLSHIT.  People are soooo desperate to connect with God that they’ve convinced themselves that the voice in their head is you, God.  They think random coincidences are a God who loves them trying to help them connect to Him.

You mean an all knowing, all powerful, and all loving God couldn’t finding A BETTER FUCKING WAY TO COMMUNICATE than random chances and intuition?

WE ARE DYING HERE!!! WE NEED MORE THAN BULLSHIT PARLOR TRICKS YOU FUCKING CUNT!!!!

I know it’s cliche` to say atheists just hate God, but right now I FUCKING HATE YOU, I FUCKING HATE YOU, I FUCKING HATE YOU.

I FUCKING LOVED YOU, I DEDICATED MY LIFE TO YOU, I DID EVERYTHING BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU HAD MY BACK, i THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME, BUT NOW YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE THE FUCKING DECENCY TO EXIST?!

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.

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Dear readers: Yes, there are other things going on in my life right now.  Things I spent years praying for and about. And these things are crumbling.  If God was real, and if prayer worked I would never be in this position.  But instead I was sold on a God who would be there for me, and it turns out he’s not there.  I need help, I need supernatural help, and it just doesn’t exist.  I was counting on love only to find rejection and nothingness.

In short (maybe I’ll write a blog post about this) my wife just lost some friends in a bad way.  She’s had a hard time making new friends at our locale, and she’s only got 3 friends left in a 50 mile radius.  She needs friends.  But God’s too busy helping millionaires win at sportsball to help her.

And I’m so angry, and mad, and hurt, and alone.  I’ve lost my best friend and most reliable compatriot because he was imaginary.

I leave you with this song.  Lyrics below the video.

Lyrics:
I was screamin’ out your name
Guess you never heard me
I was screamin’ it for years
And I think I deserve a reason for why
You’ve remained so elusive
I was thinkin’ about my life
And I can’t believe that
I have wasted so much time
Tryin’ to be what everyone loves:
The prodigal son returnin’
Oh, what a sight!
The prodigal son returnin’

And if Jesus Christ ever reached out and touched my life
He certainly left no sign that let me know he had
And I wouldn’t mind, that he couldn’t find the time
It’s just that now my heart longs for things that probably don’t exist
But now, I think I see this for what it is

Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul is tired
Well, I’ve got an itch to scratch!
And I’ve got a stone to throw!
And I wanna sink my teeth into your hallow bones!
And I’ve got a bone to pick!
And I wanna pick it clean!
Oh, the prodigal son and his shameful disbelief

And I want somethin’ better
I want somethin’ better
I, want somethin’ real
I, want somethin’ real
I want somethin’ better
I want somethin’ better
I, want somethin’ real
I, want somethin’ real
And this is the part, where my exit starts!
‘Cause I caught a glimpse of the father’s heart!
Do we want somethin’ we can’t have?
Do we want somethin’ we can’t have?
So come on friends, count up your sins:
One for being human,
Two for being born like this!
Ohh, this isn’t love
Ohh, we’re not in love
Ohh, if you want love
Well you just should’ve spoken up!

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14 thoughts on “Mark Driscoll and Dissapointment (A Rant Against God, & It’s Personal)

  1. Dude, that was real. I too want something real. I have no idea who I’m typing this to really, but I completely sympathize. I basically wrote the same thing on FB posts back one year ago. In fact, I posted the same lyrics to the same song on FB. I one beat the shit out of my steering wheel of my truck. I kind of straightened it out, but it’s still bent. It a reminder of that anger. I don’t ever want to forget that anger. It’s still right below the surface. But one thing that encourage me is to know that lives are being saved. You will never look back and regret discovering the real world.

    I get so mad still that I am 38 and I had to freaking grow up all over again, and learn who I am again. But at the same time to have found that I can make my life what I want for the rest of it is just so thrilling.

    Killing the god you gave everything too is painful, but you are doing it the right way.

    Man, I wish I could have a beer with you.

    Liked by 3 people

      • IPA = Awesome. Heck I home brew them.

        Two Eminem songs always help me. In “Bad Guy” I imagine I’m burying the corpse of a very dead Jesus and he meets his maker. In “Stronger Than I Was” I really get into verse three.

        I personally have found it therapeutic to go to the batting cage and hit things. I wish I had lost Jesus in High School cuz imagining to crush the skull of an imaginary deity has turned me into a long ball hitter.

        Liked by 1 person

    • I don’t know who I am writing to either…I actually wasn’t going to respond….but I Homebrew as well and I sleep on pillows made of hops. Much, much better than the pillows of Jesus which is rocks, pain, suffering and all for NOTHING. A little background. Jesus “found” me at 23 in Hawaii living the crazy life. Long story short. I was COMPLETELY sold out. I told my dying Mom if she didn’t repent hellfire awaited her. I joined the UPCI and was baptized in the not so Holy Spirit and yes I can still speak in tongues. I spent 23 years serving God even living in a Christian community in Alaska for ten years…..Oh BTW I used much of my inheritance buying property for about six diehard families. After ten years of pastoral care…(aka get your ass kicked daily because I did not submit enough) I worked the job I was told to. I didn’t use the Internet. We did not go to Doctors and after one of the families 7 year old died of a painful cancer I began to have serious questions. Yes they were investigated by the CSD because we were “being persecuted”! Shit guys….I will probably start a blog or a small book as this doesn’t even scratch the surface. Needless to say I kicked the Holy Spirit out of my life two weeks ago……and so far it is not pretty….but I am free and wouldn’t go back for nothing! Keep up the good work! Cheers!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Scott—your story sounds absolutely fascinating. You will find sharing your story, and hearing others, will only help you make more sense of things. Stay as calm as you can as it can get stressful. Just know that what you have accompanied by free of your mind is a rare treasure. You will hopefully find a community where you can be yourself. Best of luck. If you are ever near Des Moines, IA let me know and I’ll buy you a beer.

        Like

  2. Matthew 7:9-11

    9 “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

    I now view this passage as a huge steaming pile of bullshit. Since becoming a parent, and since I’ve left my faith, the words of this passage hit me especially hard.

    With all the suffering in the world among both Christians and non-Christians, with the threat of hell hanging over the heads of non-believers because they aren’t given anything to believe…

    Yeah, I’d say I’m a better parent than God. I don’t just ignore my children when they ask for help. I don’t starve them to death. I would never allow anyone to abuse them or hurt them.

    I know exactly how you feel right now. I know that anger, and the frustration of not being able to direct it at anything, because the focus of that anger simply doesn’t exist.

    Thank you for being so “real” with us.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I hope you’re a member of the clergy project and/or recovering from religion and have found others to connect with. Who can blame us for being angry? We feel like we’ve been lied to our entire lives!

    Seeing a pretty rainbow or avoiding an accident is a good enough reason to believe but when bad things happen to us or people we love, horrible things, horrific things, suddenly it’s not a good enough reason to not believe! (According to Christians)

    I pray to the FSM that the anger fades and you can soon begin rebuilding your life. Sending hugs your way.

    Like

    • Yeah, I belong to the Clergy Project. The anger cycles. Actually all the stages of grief keep cycling. Depression, anger, bargaining, denial,…they come and go. The day I wrote this post was the first real angry day in like a week.

      Like

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