No no no…we’re still married and she is currently at home with my children. I just wish I could talk to her about this. I just don’t think she’ll be open to talking about “this”.
My wife, thankfully, is not a typical pastor’s wife. Many times in the past I’d wish she was. Now I’m glad she isn’t. She isn’t very…appropriate. She’s loud, she’s awkward, she’s got a short temper, she’s got a very inappropriate sense of humor, and she’s not overly spiritual (thank goodness). She doesn’t play any musical instruments, she’s not a good singer, and she has no poker face. LIKE ZERO!
But I do enjoy talking about my problems with her and figuring out the future with her.
6 months ago I dropped the “I don’t think God is with me in the ministry” bomb. I told her that I don’t think he is listening to me and I wasn’t sure he was with the church. She didn’t handle that so well. I’ve been consistently bringing up a desire to find outside work. She always just brushes it off.
A couple of days ago she said:
Her: History teacher
Her: You should be a history teacher. You asked if you had to work in another field other than ministry, what would I think you’d be good at. I think you should be a history teacher.
I think she’s warming up the idea that I’d rather be doing something else, but I don’t think she’d understand my loss of faith.
Me: Honey, if I wasn’t in ministry anymore would we be those people who’d go to church like twice a month?
Her: No, that’s just stupid. People who do that are idiots. If you weren’t in ministry would change the fact that I believe in God and our kids need to go to church.
Oddly, I think she’d handle it better than most wives. Why? Well because our marriage has never been spiritual. We’ve never had a serious discipline of praying together or reading the bible together. We’ve never had very serious spiritual conversations. While we do talk about Church often, it’s almost always a work conversation rather than a spiritual conversation.
Honestly, I can only think of one or two times were she talked about God from a faith perspective. Even then it wasn’t that personal.
This isn’t to say she doesn’t believe. I’m sure she does. I know she does. I’m very sure it would be a huge disappointment to her to find out that I’ve become an atheist, but I really believe she could manage it. However, I have no real desire to test that theory out.
But I do miss the opportunity to have her help me with this.