Him: What do people mean why then say God talks to them?
I always hated this question because it seems like such a lose/lose. Either I look like an idiot trying to justify the voice in your head is God or I look like an ass (not to mention severely unspiritual) telling people they’re not hearing from God and possibly they’re delusional liars.
Me: Well… uh… you see… umm… like when you pray, sometimes God answers back.
I’m desperately trying to keep my poker face.
Him: Yeah but what does God sound like?
For fuck sake man, don’t you know the rules?! You’re not suppose to be specific about asking these kinds of questions! You’re supposed to be polite, and just assume that “it’s possible” that God speaks to people! GAHH!
Me: Sound like? Well… it’s not… really… well… audible.
Me: Right, well… I mean… sort of.
Him: So is God talking or not?
Me: Well he is, but it’s more like a sensation.
Him: So is he like a voice you only hear in your head?
Dude, really?! You’re going to bust my balls over this right now?!
Me: No, it’s different than your internal dialogue. It’s something different than what you’ve ever experienced. It’s kinda neat and it’ll blow your mind when it happens to you.
Him: Oh, ok.
Yeah, I don’t think he bought it. Shortly after this conversation, I never again used the phrase “God told me”. Eventually I would preach openly that this was false prophecy. Now I’m wondering when and how this pathology became the popular badge of a “relationship with Christ”(tm).